


Farewell to a friend

by Angella



Category: Hornblower (TV), Hornblower - C. S. Forester
Genre: Blood, Death, Emotional suffering, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 18:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12823605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angella/pseuds/Angella
Summary: A set of eight drabbles I wrote many years ago for my blog now put together as a one off drabble-story depicting Horatio's torment over the loss of the one he cared for the most...I had two beta readers back then for this work - a Czech and English one as English is not my first language. A big thank you to Fantaghira and Cathy S. for helping me in days when my English wasn't what it is today.





	Farewell to a friend

**I.**

It was a single second.

You are holding him in your arms, firmly holding his bleeding body.

Your white shirt is drenched with the red flood forcing its way out of the wound.

He is dying. You know that.

In that single moment, when his beautiful face lies helplessly on your shoulder, you remember all the years you spent together.

You can see his smile when he welcomed you to the deck many years ago, his enthusiasm for battle which has encouraged men even in the worst times, his infinite devotion, loyalty and bravery.

Your most loyal friend is dying.

The blood, the life-giving liquid, is leaving his slim body.

He grows weaker in your arms.

Say farewell.

He will not be with you long.

 

**II.**

You loved him, did you not?

When he needed you, you stood by him, you protected him in hard times.

And in return, he stood by you when you needed his support.

Of course you loved him.

He held you during long dreamless nights on the upper deck when you could not sleep because of all your anguish. He calmed you down in his arms.

And you repaid him the same way.

He was not just a friend and a brother in arms.

You would have done anything for him.

He was the one to whom your whole heart and soul belonged, the one for whom you woke up in the morning and with whom you wished to fall asleep in the evening.

He was your life.

 

**III.**

You are looking at him.

He is lying in a white-covered bed and his breathing is shallow.

He feels pain and the bandage, once as white as the cloth on the bed, is drenched with crimson blood.

He is not sleeping, he is watching you with his eyes wide open.

You look back at him, holding his hand in yours.

The candle on the night stand is slowly dying out.

The silent hours pass.

You are still looking at each other.

He is saying goodbye to you without words.

You try to remember each and every single detail of his face.

Thin lips you kissed so many times.

Small wrinkles around his mouth – he used to laugh a lot.

And those eyes.

No one can look at you the same way he does.

Loyally.

Lovingly.

Gently.

Sadly.

 

  **IV.**

He knew you would never allow him to sacrifice himself for you.

So he did not ask your permission.

When it was about you, he gathered all his courage and went fighting.

He knew he would die, but he did not care he would die as a man with no honour.

He wanted to save you so he got up put on his lieutenant´s uniform for the last time and made a speech in court.

He took all the guilt himself just to prevent you from doing so.

You entered just at the moment they were taking him away.

Everything was in that long stare he gave you.

The whole torturing love he felt for you.

That sacrifice was his value of your life.

You understood.

 

**V.**

The doctor bends down to him putting a palm on his forehead.

You can´t hear his breath, although he still lives.

He is so calm, balanced, reconciled.

His fate is sealed.

Even if the gunshot wound did not kill him, the rope would.

His breathing is slow, deep, maybe he does not feel the pain any more.

His long fair hair is spread on the pillow.

You get closer to him, taking in the sight of his half-naked body one more time.

Sun-tanned, silken skin invites you to touch him.

Your fingers are getting closer, but your hand does not reach him.

The bloody spot on the bandage stops you.

You sit on the bed close to him and do the only thing you can.

For the last time, you hold his hand.

 

**VI.**

If there was a hope, no matter how small, you would beg him not to leave you.

Not to do that, not to give up.

You have never thought about it but now you know you have always wanted to die before he does.

His determination to die destroys you although he admitted he is afraid of it.

There is no way back.

You want to hold him as you did each day of your yearstogether and die with him.

It should not have happened this way.

You can see everything you have ever been yearning for in his eyes.

You can see a world which you have wished to get to know in his face.

And his dying body is for you a universe with which you wish to perish.

 

**VII.**

„Poor Horatio,“ he says with his tired voice: „So quick to give, so slow to accept the simplest gift.“

You can see tears in his eyes.

He wished so much to spend a long lifetime with you.

You both wished it.

It is too high a price – his life for your freedom.

But you do not have any other option now.

You have to accept the most precious gift he could ever give you.

He is crying quietly.

In that moment neither of you have any more strength left.

You say goodbye the only way you can.

You sit with him on the bed and let his weakened body rest against yours.

His face is cold on your chest.

You kiss his hair: „Can you remember, Archie, that night on Hotspur?“

 

 **VIII.**  

You were not able to say goodbye.

You hoped.

You were holding his body tight until the last second came always hoping a miracle would happen.

He rested on your chest, you held his palm and warmed it in yours.

You talked about past times, about how good it was to be together.

And then he smiled.

For the last time, there was so much happiness in his face: „I loved you, Horatio, remember that.“

Your hot tears fell on his pale cheek as you lowered your face to his: „I love you too, Archie. And I swear I always will.“

When he breathed his last, you just kissed his lips.

You embraced his cooling body tightly late into the night.

No one was able to ease your heartache.

And no one will ever be able to.

You are sure of that.


End file.
